The Difference between Gossiping & Venting. And is it Good for Us?
Gossiping has become a form of connecting with individuals. But when is it too far?
Gossip. It’s been around for centuries, even before the word had even been invented. In Merriam-Webster Dictionary, gossip is “a rumor or report of an intimate nature.” I’ve seen people, from young children to adults, talk about one another without understanding the harm. I grew up in a South Asian household where having conversations about how someone walks, talks, and dresses (not to quote Kendrick Lamar) was very much normalized, and that was the form of connecting and bonding with family and/or friends. As a child, I had never seen anything wrong with it because I was only focusing on how it made me feel. It made me feel heard, loose, and energized, even if I was speaking directly to the person’s face. It didn't hurt or make me feel guilty. I'm not proud of what I used to do, but I also blame my upbringing and the influences around me.
On the other hand, Venting is described as “to give often vigorous or emotional expression to.” I've seen a common theme within today's society, and just by some conversations I’ve overheard, that the word “vent” in its entirety has been taken out of context. This than in return, just allows people to talk about how they feel about the individual rather than focusing on how the individual’s doing made them feel. Anyone reading this can relate to having someone make you feel either upset or disrespected by their actions or comments. What did you want to do? Confront them? Or talk to someone about it? There’s not harm in doing either or. But it’s all about what we say and how we say it specifically. We can all express our emotions to others and create positive learning experiences through negative circumstances, but talking sh*t about someone isn’t gonna fix it.
Going off of my past mistakes, I would be filled with anger and resentment through the smallest actions that had rubbed me the wrong way. Instead of addressing it head-on, I would bury myself in those deep and hateful thoughts without sitting and feeling comfortable with my feelings. In return, we can burst at different times, and within those times, we don’t realize the damage we’re doing to the people around us, but most importantly, ourselves. And people might argue that it isn’t that “deep”, but let me remind you that gossiping can feel amazing in the moment but will never, EVER, help the growth of self-worth and kind nature. This will only dig deeper holes for everyone involved, including ourselves. Venting is completely different than gossiping, and when you try it yourself, it allows you to regulate your emotions and also creates a sense of identity and self-awareness. If you’re trying to stop gossiping and lean more into venting about your feelings and emotions, let me give you some tips that have helped me.
Go to someone you trust.
Invite this person to a comfortable setting (House, Park, Coffee Shop, etc.)
Focus on how a situation or person made you feel with their actions/words.
Avoid talking directly about the person. (Appearance, Rumors, Name-Calling.)
Find a solution that can help the situation move forward. (Confrontation, Taking a Step Back, etc.)
These tips will ultimately lead to a healthy understanding of how to regulate emotions and create more space to learn and grow. I also wanted to touch on the fact that gossip is deep-rooted in ego. Spreading either rumors or misinformation or just blatantly talking bad about a person just feeds into our collective pride. We gossip as a form of comparison. It’s always “Me VS. Them.” It’s the lack of self-esteem speaking; we’re insecure enough to point out everything that is wrong with someone else but aren’t confident enough to dig deep into our rights and wrongs.
At the end of the day, some people will continue to talk about someone rather than give that certain someone clarity about their words. This is why it’s so important to give each other grace. This is out of our control, but what we can control is how we communicate and how to move forward with life without any disruptions. While gossiping can hold us back, venting can allow us to open doors for ourselves, seek more guidance, as well as create stronger friendships with others. This can be the next step for anything. Bettering your mental health, creating a pathway of healthy habits, or even starting a brand new era of life. The goal at the end of the day is to put ourselves at the forefront of OUR life. Avoid negative hardships. Avoid gossip and secrecy. Avoid anything that is keeping you from being your most authentic self. This is your life to live, and this entry is to remind you to live in peace and solidarity.
Lovely article. Gossiping makes one heard, seen. So true.
This article is so reletable and relevant! It’s one of the “little things” we do in our daily lives that we often let pass, sweat off, but is actually creating a huge impact on how we life our life. Gossip harms all the parties involve, including oneself, because exposing yourself to negative hate talks alter your brain chemistry, attracting negative energy into your thinking, and eventually in your life.